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There comes a time when we learn that the world isn’t all about us. Our parents try to instill that idea in us through many tactics. For instance, today Patrick went to a birthday party, and yesterday we went out to buy his little friend a present. Patrick’s favorite thing right now is Iron Man, so he gravitated toward those items during our trip to Wal-Mart (I know; I’m not a big Wally World fan, but it’s so inexpensive!). I had to remind him a couple of times that we were looking for N, not him. He got it and picked out Connect Four, a cute card, and some Spider-Man stickers (N’s favorite).
Sometimes, though, these lessons from our childhood escape us. I know that one of my things is that, like Iron Man, I’m a bit narcissistic. I like to talk about myself. In fact, when I talk to my friend C nearly daily, I routinely monopolize the first 5-10 minutes of the conversation and then have to stop myself to say, “Okay, I’ve talked enough. How are you?” Like GI Joe said, “Knowing is half the battle,” so at least I know I talk about myself a lot.
This weekend, while hanging out with my friend R, I really, really wanted to have the conversation be all about me – but I couldn’t. He was sharing some personal information that I knew was hard for him to bring to light and, as a good, caring friend, I needed to be there 100% and listen. I had to shut up and offer empathy and genuine concern (which I had, of course; I wasn’t faking). I didn’t get an opportunity to share my thoughts on what he had told me or to ask all of the heartfelt questions I had about, well, me … but that’s not what R needed. At that point, I needed to be a good friend and remember that our time was about him, not me.
On Mothers Day, when we honor our moms for being there for us, I am reminded that I need to always take into consideration other people’s feelings and thoughts and be there for them. It doesn’t necessarily mean I need to put other people first, but I do need to be present during conversations – with my son or others – and really appreciate them. As human beings, we classify good friends as those who listen to us and provide great feedback – and that’s the person I want to be.