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Welcome Home, Little Girl

  • July 18, 2011 at 9:12 am

Me, 1974: Age 3

It seems odd to say that I’ve been working in recent years to become more feminine; after all, I am a female. However, I have always exhibited many more stereotypical male traits, and softening the edges is a journey. Although journeys in life are hardly ever completed, I hesitate to say I am here. I feel more like a “girl” today than I think I ever have in my life.

I think the awakening came recently when a few people called me pretty, even beautiful. The little girl inside me squealed with delight at those words. See, my parents never really doted on me in that way; instead, I was called “thunder thighs” and got the message I was never good enough. Although I moved past that many years ago, the little girl inside me is still there, and she is eager for praise.

I’ve also recently been wearing more “girly” clothes, even heels. I used to dress more business professional back in Western NY, but AZ is so casual that for many years my wardrobe has consisted of jeans and stretchy, comfortable clothes. I’m slowly expanding my horizons to include heels, form-fitting dresses, and clothes that showcase my figure, which I think is pretty nice.

While I read romantic fiction in my teens, I gave that up because I believed the fantasy couldn’t come true. Now, though, I am reading Nicholas Sparks’ The Choice and finding myself engrossed. Who am I to say fantasies cannot come true? There’s no rule that I cannot believe in achieving a happily ever after while still staying grounded in my day-to-day life.

That little girl is back, and I am happy to welcome her. I am comfortable with being feminine and enjoying all of the perks that come with being a woman. And I am still balancing that with the necessity of being a single mom and business owner—and I am loving both sides of it. I am proud to be a well rounded, complete human being who embodies all of the great traits I have.

And a decent dose of humor and sarcasm certainly helps to brighten the picture.

Care to leave a comment?

Read My Lips

  • July 10, 2011 at 11:44 am

The other evening, I carpooled to a happy hour event with a male friend of mine. We parked in three-hour parking, and both of us agreed that we would likely be ready to leave in that time period. However, when the time came, there was a one-hour discussion about whether or not we were leaving.

My friend asked me point blank if I was ready to leave. I said yes more than once. Yet, the discussion continued. Because I was concerned about getting a parking ticket, I agreed to take the car to another location where more friends would be. Even then, though, my friend somehow thought that we were just moving the car and heading back to the same bar.

At the next location, he asked me to let him know when I wanted to leave. “I wanted to leave two hours ago,” I said. I explained that I had told him that a number of times, but I was now willing to stay at this location until 11 pm, but at that point, I would be leaving—with or without him. He wanted to continue the discussion ad naseam, but I cut it short saying I was leaving at 11. End of discussion.

What is it with communication? I said exactly what I meant, I didn’t stutter or waffle about it, and yet my male friend still figured I meant something else. He explained that he is used to women saying one thing and meaning another, so he rarely takes women at their word. What? I’m sorry, but that’s just ridiculous. Have women changed the communication spectrum that much that I have to figure out how to say things backwards so men understand me? Why can’t we just say what we mean?

What are your thoughts on the topic?

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How to Move Past a Relationship: Break Free or Integrate?

  • July 5, 2011 at 9:04 am

Recently, a friend of mine celebrated the end of her decades-long relationship with multiple Facebook posts, in the form of YouTube clips, about being free and moving on. My ex-husband has planned his next wedding just days before what would have been our wedding anniversary. How do you move on after a relationship? And how do you know what’s right for you?

A friend of mine told me that she purges her memories by “reclaiming” haunts frequented by her and her ex. In a book I’m reading, it suggests steering clear of those places that pull up memories. For me, I think it’s a bit of both. I typically wallow for a bit and then start to reclaim to move on. But that’s just me.

I’ve been married twice. I met both men in late January / early February. The first I married in October, the second in July. It never occurred to me to have the weddings in the same month; in fact, although I loved the fall wedding, that time was tainted for me. July wasn’t a first option, but a pregnancy that took earlier than expected expedited the original plan to marry either in Hedonism or Vegas—in the pool and naked—probably in August. So now, both fall and summer are occupied.

Some people keep dates consistent regardless of partner. Perhaps it makes it easier for them to remember? And they often just bring their new partner into the fold with the same friends, same hotspots, and same hobbies. Others break free completely, reinventing themselves with each new partner: new favorite bands, movies, etc. Sure, I did that in my teens and 20s (which exposed me to all kinds of new things!), but at 40 I’m pretty set in my ways, and my life is more the consistent variety.

So what IS the best way to move past a relationship? I’d say that depends on the players, the length of the pairing, and the depth of emotions. Some people just bounce right back, and while I’d call that codependent, it seems to work for them. Some people take time to process the end of the relationship and find their level of closure. Others fall somewhere in the middle.

All I do know is that, if I marry again, it will be in Walt Disney World in late December. That’s the plan I’ve wanted forever, and I’ll make it happen this time. :-)

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