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I’ve not been blogging here often because, well, I’ve not had much to say. Instead, I’ve been sharing some things on Facebook with my trusted friends. Because of one of them, I’ve found a new book, Love in 90 Days. It’s really not a fall-in-love-quickly plan, but I’m guessing the title Love in a Half a Year probably wasn’t as catchy.
Some of the points of the book are that you must love yourself before you can be loved and most of us fall into “deadly dating patterns.” I found mine after a bit of self-reflection. I like the author’s style because, while she was subtly telling me I was guilty of “Not Perfect, I’ll Pass,” she was pointing out that I’m the one who isn’t perfect. I’m picky, picky, picky, and no one is good enough for me. In effect, I’m Seinfeld; I run into the most minor flaws and magnify them. Whether it’s a close talker, big hands, or quiet talker, I make them wrong for it and don’t give them a chance. The truth, according to the author, is that we who do this are really pointing out the imperfections in ourselves and saying we’re not good enough for anyone else. It’s a preemptive strike to not allow anyone too close for fear they’ll hurt us.
I kind of feel like Tony Stark in Iron Man 2, reading the recap of himself from S.H.I.E.L.D.:
- “‘Tony Stark displays textbook narcissism.’ … Agreed.”
I don’t doubt that about myself. I’ve recently come to the realization that I’ve been selfish in relationships. I thought that my ex-husband and I shared a common Love Language (words of affirmation), meaning we should get along swimmingly. While sharing that with someone, I got smacked in the head that I was being too selfish then to care how he was feeling; it was all about me. Quite a big pill to swallow.
I’ll admit that I still believe there must be a physical connection and I will continue to be picky there, but I’m opening up to meeting different types of men. I’ve gone out on three first dates this month, and while neither side saw a spark, I keep putting myself out there. In the book, it’s suggested that it’s a numbers game; we have to meet a lot of people who don’t fit to find the one who does. And I’m supposed to date three men simultaneously so I don’t jump too quickly (shocking that I do that, I know!). I’m still looking for guy #1, but I know those three men are out there, and I will create a great connection where I’m open-minded and not as super judgmental. Bye-bye, selfishness. Hello, happiness!