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It’s interesting to see my feelings about my current relationship with L from the outside looking in. I’m pretty sure I’ve never been quite this objective in the past. Now, however, I notice that my feelings for this wonderful man are growing. It’s slow, steady, and unhurried. We’re building a friendship and connection, and I really like this different approach.
It’s such a new experience to “grow” feelings. In the past, I’ve been more the type to just jump into the deep end of the emotional pool and profess my undying love within days or weeks of meeting someone. Honestly, that was the lust talking, not the love. Now, I feel like I’m planting a garden. I’m amazed at how much I truly LIKE L. He’s really wonderful and giving, and I appreciate him in a way I don’t think I ever appreciated anyone in the past.
What’s different? I’m getting to know L by spending quality time together, learning more about him each time we’re in the same room. We haven’t talked on the phone, we don’t email often, and the only way we speak outside of in person is through 30-minute to one-hour text conversations a couple of evenings a week. That means that we maximize our time together. We talk. We listen. And, yes, we make love. But it’s a connection that feels kind of old fashioned. We’re “courting.” I don’t know that I’ve really ever done that before.
In the past, I guess I’ve approached relationships with some semblance of desperation. Within weeks, we’re in love. Typically, a month or two later, we’re living together. We don’t take time to get to know each other. There’s a lot to be said for tending a relationship and allowing it to take shape on its own rather than forcing it to grow by adding deadlines or expectations. With any luck, it’ll continue on this slow-moving path and turn into something long lasting and life changing.