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Giving Thanks Year ‘Round

  • November 28, 2010 at 7:47 pm

As the Thanksgiving weekend comes to a close, it’s a great time to consider those things for which you’re thankful. For many families, this annual gathering includes going around the table with each diner sharing one thing for which s/he is thankful. But, like most annual events, we practice the ritual once and then forget it. How about practicing being thankful 365 days a year instead of just one?

I have a regular ritual at bedtime, either when I’m alone or with Patrick: we say the things for which we’re thankful. First on each of our lists is each other. Then we go through all of the things most people take for granted: our house, our car, our dog, and our friends. The last thing we mention are the fun things of that day, whether we went to the park or just watched a good movie.

We may not have a lot in our lives, and we would love to have much more, but that doesn’t stop us from being thankful for everything that we have. Parents always battle how they’re going to raise unspoiled children while still providing them with all they need and most they desire. I think that practicing gratitude is one way to do that. Now, I’m not saying Patrick isn’t spoiled, but at least he is appreciative of what he has, and I think that says a lot. Even for an adult, this ritual helps to keep you grounded. It’s a great way to keep Thanksgiving going throughout the year.

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Angry People Suck

  • November 22, 2010 at 4:24 pm

What is it with angry people? It seems that they’re everywhere. From my perspective, life is way too short to be so unhappy (yes, in my mind, angry = unhappy), so why are these people wasting their lives?

Anger and unhappiness can come from many places, I’ve found, but I think the most pervasive is lack of self-confidence. Many angry people don’t feel good about themselves, so how dare the rest of us be happy! I don’t know about you, but I run into unhappy people all the time. My ex-husband, the customer at the bank, drivers on the road…everyone seems to be wasting their time with so much ire.

Barenaked Ladies have a good song about “Angry People” and in it they suggest that angry folks want the rest of us to be angry. I don’t disagree. It’s like their black cloud needs to envelope everyone else in the world, but why?

I’m not saying that happy people don’t ever get unhappy or angry; I’m as guilty as the next person out there in that regard. However, I don’t live in a world of anger. Most days I am extremely happy. I have a job I love, a son I adore, great friends, and I want for little in my life (yes, more money is always appreciated, but I digress). Why would I waste my energy with anger?

I wish I knew how to transform all of those angry people into happy people. It would be even better if we could figure out the origin of those bad feelings and nip them in the bud. Are they angry at themselves and just push it off on others? Are they afraid? I know when I’ve been angry, it’s usually been because things haven’t gone my way. Is that the core of all anger?

Emotions are a funny thing, and our age of digital communication probably doesn’t help to get across the right point in our conversations. Just today, I noticed that my ex had some odd scheduling on our parenting calendar, so I sent him an e-mail asking if I could switch things around. My approach with him is always as it should be: he is my son’s father. I have no anger toward him at all (Of course, I did at first; I wasn’t getting my way if he left!), but his responses to me always feel as if they’re dripping with hatred. Why have so much negativity? His girlfriend shares a similar feeling, and I don’t understand it at all. How are they so angry with me, when I’ve done nothing to incur this wrath?

Perhaps I’m in the minority here and most people aren’t as happy as I am. Maybe they all hold grudges, hate people, and generally walk around in a fog of anger. I hope not, because that’s not a world in which I want my son to live—because he certainly isn’t angry.

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Marry Me: Balancing Romance in a Relationship

  • November 13, 2010 at 8:33 am

Have you heard the latest release from Train, “Marry Me?” When I first heard it, I thought, “Wow, to have a love like that!” But if you listen to it again, you’ll notice that the singer hasn’t even spoken to his intended yet; he’s talking about love at first site as he sees her across a café. It doesn’t negate the powerful impact of the song, though, and it has gotten me thinking.

Recently, I’ve been stating that I’ve sworn off dating. I don’t like dating, honestly. So much dancing and prancing to ensure that the other person only sees our best sides… I’m too old for that game and sincerely lack the patience. What I miss is the beginning of the relationship when everything is love and roses, although I’ll admit the “love at first sight” Train mentions doesn’t seem real to me.

In the past days, my thoughts have been going to the two loves of my life, S and J (I’m really glad the second guy isn’t M!). Although I didn’t drop the guillotine on either of those relationships, I know that I didn’t pull my weight. As women, we are conditioned to believe that the man runs relationships: he is responsible for wining, dining, and romanticizing. As women, we are supposed to just receive all that. We nearly expect it. But that’s not really fair, is it? How can we expect that a relationship will be so one-sided? In a perfect world, the man and woman would spend equal time showing love, whether through outward expressions of affection or words of gratitude and appreciation. At least some appreciation would make the one-sided shows of romance seem more balanced.

That’s where I’ve fallen short.

A lot of people don’t have children because they’re admittedly selfish; they want their time to themselves. I think it’s great to know that. I mean, children certainly do take a lot of your energy and they always come first. I feel the way the childless do about having a partner in my life. I don’t think I’m ready to show the level of appreciation and expressions of love needed to sustain a relationship. I want it to be all about me, and that’s not fair to a man who might be in my life. Ironically, I don’t have that feeling at all about my child; with him, I can balance both of us and give my all to him. Maybe it’s because he’s a child and that conditioning things come in again, but for some reason that give and take is really different with Patrick.

I’m not sure that I have a point here other than that society has totally screwed me up—and perhaps others—in the realm of relationships. It kind of sucks.

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