Get Our Newsletter!
From the moment we exit the womb, we’re centered on ourselves. Where’s the food? What’s all that light and noise? Would someone just take care of me? It’s embedded in our nature that, to survive, we have to put ourselves first. Unfortunately, many people never learn to put others first at some point, leading to numerous relationship issues.
Today’s dare is to buy your spouse something that says, “I was thinking of you today” with the thought that where we put our time, energy, and money becomes more important. This is very much a principle of the Law of Attraction: what we think about magnifies. If we think about ourselves, we get an inflated sense of ego, but if we think about that special someone, our love grows.
As the book points out, selfishness lives in direct opposition to love. Love is caring and giving. If you are giving because it makes you feel good, that too could be a form of selfishness. You need to give of yourself freely, sharing your love, your time, and your energy with this one person you’ve chosen as your partner.
The true benefit of putting your spouse first is that it typically comes back in spades. It’s kind of like the mission of BNI: givers gain. However, if you’re not ready to prioritize a partner—and you’re currently single—stay single. It’s okay to acknowledge times of selfishness, and in those times we need to adjust to accommodate. If you’re in a relationship, perhaps a night a week in which the two of you have some “me” time to re-energize you when you come back together. That may allow you to be more giving when it really matters.
Great advice on the last part! Looking back on my marriage, it was important for the OTHER person to get their enjoyable “me” time as well to be balanced & centered. Of course, you can’t force it…but it certainly sets things up for a very unbalanced center of envolvment in the relationship & that doesn’t do anyone ANY bit of good.
IMHO, if you need a book to tell you how to treat your significant other and show them love, you probably don’t really love them in the first place. In a truly loving relationship, both people naturally want to do these “dares” for one another. If it doesn’t come naturally and you’re forcing yourself to complete daily tasks according to some book, you’re probably with the wrong person.
JS: The book IS written for people at the precipice of divorce, so they are certainly questioning their intentions and love. My favorite part of the book is the suggestion that we need to lead our hearts and continue to choose our partners. I am not in a relationship, but I think the book is a great reminder of how we should be treating everyone—not just someone with whom we’re intimately involved.
Js: For some people that have lost their center, for whatever reason that is, true love may not come naturally to them. Sometimes we need to relearn on both parts what is natural.
A light guiding us to finding our own light is just what the book serves.
I agree with Amanda & Steve, JS. Being in love and working on a LTR isn’t always natural at first for everyone. I don’t think there is anything wrong with helping cultivate deepening any relationship, especially your love life, with these methods. I mean, unfortunetly, along with sex ed & suzie homemaker classes in school…I don’t recall one class on “how to communicate with your partner in a LTR” or “how to keep love alive after 11 years”. That’s just something, personally, I don’t believe is “natural”…it is something that must be worked on. Only I can choose how hard I wish to work on it or not. No one can force me and I can not force others. Just my 2 cents!