Collins Family News Thoughts and pictures from Amanda

It might seem obvious that love would not be rude. I mean, you love the person, so why would you be rude? But, often, we are. Not only do we take our partners for granted, but we also tend to be more sarcastic and—sometimes—downright mean. I know I’ve been guilty of this, and I honestly didn’t even realize I was being rude. My ex finally called me on it, saying that I was very sarcastic to him, “picking” on him. To me, it was just playful banter; to him, it was rude.

Today’s dare is to ask your spouse to share two or three things you do that make him feel uncomfortable or irritate him. The goal, of course, is to shed some light on where you might be rude or discount your mate’s feelings.

“There are two main reasons why people are rude: ignorance and selfishness” (p 22). By asking the question of your partner, you’ll negate the first component. You can look back at a previous dare about the second component. The fact is, most times we’re thinking about ourselves and oblivious when we’re rude. We may not know what we’re doing. On the flip side, we may be trying to get across a point but aren’t sure the best way to do that.

That brings to mind a story my friend Steve shared, which I have continued to share with many people. Imagine that two guys are playing one-on-one basketball and one misses an easy lay-up. The other friend walks over, gives him a friendly punch, and says, “Pussy. That was an easy shot!” Feeling challenged, the first player will bring his all for the next round, easily making even the most challenging shot. Now, move that situation into the house with a married couple. He has been cleaning the bathroom, and she comes in after and says, “What’s this? I can clean better with my eyes closed!” Instead of “manning up,” the man feels emasculated—nagged. He vows to never clean the bathroom again. The truth, though, is that she is challenging him, wanting him to step up and ask, “How do you want it cleaned? You’ll be able to eat off this toilet!” Her attitude may be taken as rude, but she meant it as a challenge.

So check your language and your attitude. Even if you want to challenge, do it with kindness. Ask instead of demand. Treat your partner with respect and be sure to leave the door open for him or her to let you know when you’re being rude.