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Naturally, we want to think the best things about the person with whom we’ve chosen to share our life. But, after some time passes, those little negatives can become big thorns in our sides: leaving the toilet seat up, going out with boys until 2 am, usurping your authority in front of the children. . . . Feelings about these things can fester, and eventually, you may stop seeing your partner in that original glowing light of first love.
Today’s dare is to write the positive things you like about about your spouse on one sheet of paper and the negative things you dislike on another. Pick one positive attribute for which to thank your spouse. Then put the sheets away in a private location for later.
I’m big on the pros and cons lists, but I’m also a big believer in both love and trust. These are hard to maintain when one is dishonest, though. I know; my husband cheated on me. I would have loved to believe him when he said he was done with that—and I did at first—but it was so hard when everything kept coming up. I started to snoop for things. Unfortunately, I found them. Trust, once lost, is VERY hard to restore.
The book suggests we have two mental rooms in which we categorize our partners: the Appreciation Room and the Depreciation Room. At the beginning of a relationship, the former reigns supreme, but given a bit of time, the latter tends to fill up. Love doesn’t deny that such a negative room exists, but it chooses not to live there. The book suggests taking up permanent residence in your Appreciation Room so that you will see all of the good things your spouse brings to your life and marriage.
People often tend to show up in the way we see them. If we give them room to flourish, they will usually rise to the challenge. But if we only see them as the negative aspects of their personality, those traits will seem amplified with each interaction. Choose to see your partner for the good s/he adds to your life and they’ll typically deliver.