Collins Family News Thoughts and pictures from Amanda

I just had my personality / behavioral assessment done yesterday, and one of the areas where I’m low is patience. I like things done now—and yesterday is better. “Make a decision!” I say when people are hesitant. This hurry-it-up attitude does not bode well in relationships, whether with a partner, child, or business professional.

Today’s dare is to say nothing negative to your spouse. Even when s/he says something that makes you want to scream, hold your tongue. It’s much easier to come back later and share something than it is to apologize for a hurtful comment that was made in the midst of an argument.

“Love is built on two pillars that best define what it is. Those pillars are patience and kindness” (p. 1). It takes a strong person to be patient—one who is full of love for his or her partner. It is not easy to remain steadfast in the heat of anger. But anger is nearly the opposite of patience. One who is angry lashes out and thinks only of himself; one who is patient takes time to hear the other’s point of view.

The person you have chosen is imperfect, as are you. No matter what the future brings, you can be sure there will be times where you will both mess up and do something to spark anger in the other person. When that happens, take a deep breath and remember that you’ll create more harmony and trust if you’re patient.

It was probably 1 1/2 years ago, when I was in the thick of my separation from my ex-husband, that a couple of friends suggested I watch Fireproof. However, it was always sold to me as a Christian movie, and as an atheist, that didn’t really intrigue me to rush out there and rent it. Then, a few months ago, I said, “What the hell,” and I got it from Netflix. What a movie!

True, it IS a Christian movie. It stars Kirk Cameron (Growing Pains star turned born-again) and looks like it belongs on Lifetime or the Hallmark Channel. But, if you can look past the quality of the film and start to listen to the message, there’s something there that’s worth hearing. I heard it loud and clear—and it wasn’t even overwhelmed by a bunch of Jesus talk.

Basically, the gist of the movie is that this childless couple who’s been married eight or nine years has lost their love for each other. There’s no passion, they hardly talk, and they’re both ready to give up. Honestly, this sounds like the majority of marriages with which I’m familiar—apparently, including both of mine at some point. Instead of just walking out, the husband receives The Love Dare, a journal-book, from his father and embarks on a 40-day journey to make a difference in his marriage.

I was so moved by the film that I immediately jumped online and purchased the book. Again, it has a significant Christian slant, but a lot of it is based on that Corinthians passage: “Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.” I have always liked this saying and even cross-stitched it many years ago; the framed piece hangs on my wall.

The book is quick to read, and I’m going to endeavor to write daily about what I’m learning. Since this intro post is already pretty long, I’ll start with the sections tomorrow. Stay tuned!