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Take me … now!

  • June 27, 2010 at 2:00 pm

A recurring theme in my life of late is women being women and men being men. Yesterday on Facebook, there were a couple of posts about men “manning up” to take care of their women. I, of course, talked about how men should be more aggressive sexually, which led me to this post.

In this age of feminism and equality, men are “nice,” waiting for the woman to make the move. Some of my male friends have even gotten tired of being the aggressor and possibly being turned down in a relationship, so they’ve stopped trying. Let me give you a little hint, men: If you change the sexual dynamic, you’ll see a big difference in how your partner acts (and reacts).

Women tend to be the worriers in relationships. We think about taking care of the house and the children, and sex sometimes falls to the back burner. Men, on the other hand, typically have sex at the forefront of their thoughts and push everything else back. So, when a man approaches a woman for sex in a gentle, “I love you; let’s have sex” kind of way, she’s still on her to-do list for the day and will naturally refuse. The problem is that most men stop there.

Let’s be clear here: I am not condoning forceful sex or rape. Not by any stretch of the imagination. Clearly, when a woman is saying an emphatic no, she means it—especially if you’ve just met, never met, or violence is involved. What I am saying is that women like to be taken.

I have been with few sexually aggressive men in my life, but when I have been, I have loved it! I had to coach my ex-husband that, typically speaking, “no” didn’t really mean “no”; it meant he had to try a little harder. If he started touching and kissing, etc., I would get in the mood quickly. Granted, I have a higher sex drive than most women, but I’m guessing that in a loving, respectful relationship, many women would concur.

Once a man starts being a man in a relationship, the woman will usually reciprocate by being a woman. This means seducing him, incorporating lingerie, and being more sexually present. It sounds like a win-win to me.

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If you have to think that hard…

  • June 26, 2010 at 2:13 pm

Lately, it seems I’m running across people who are in a quandary about their relationships—or soon-to-be relationships. Should they be with that person or not? I guess my feeling about that is: If you have to think that hard about it, it’s probably not the relationship for you.

Don’t get me wrong; I’ve been guilty of being somewhere I shouldn’t have been, holding on to the possibility of improvement just because, well, someone is better than no one. But is that really the truth? It’s kind of like taking a part-time job while waiting to find that great full-time opportunity. Is that fair to the employer, or in this case, the person with whom you’re biding your time?

If you’re of a certain age—and especially if you’re a woman—you may hear the tick-tock of that biological clock and think it’s time to settle down. Unfortunately, the first word in that phrase—”settle”—is what most people end up doing.

Naturally, it’s impossible to find a “perfect” person for you, but I suggest that you look for 80-90% of your wish list. It’s not like we have to marry and have children with everyone we date, but make sure you’re both in it for the same reason, no matter what that is. Then the choice should be relatively easy.

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Who are the people in your neighborhood?

  • June 2, 2010 at 7:23 am

At the same time I am thankful for the people who have come into my life across the years, I also wonder why I still have a few of them around. It might seem like a deep question, but the truth is that they serve a purpose.

I have a “pretend” boyfriend at the gym. About a month ago, he let me know he’s pretend dating me, so we see each other about five minutes a day when I’m there to work out. Recently, though, I didn’t see him for a few days — and I missed the interaction. Granted, this isn’t a man I would typically look to date, but it was nice to feel like someone was looking out for me and found me attractive.

Such is the case with another person in my life. I like that he’s interested in me, but the truth is that we’re not a good fit as a couple. So we’re friends. Well, last night, while chatting with some other friends, I realized that we’re not even very good friends. He doesn’t get my pop culture references and I’m annoyed by him in growing increments. Also, this man has discounted my time on three separate occasions; my friends don’t do that. So the question then was, “Then why do you keep him around?” The same reason I missed my pretend gym boyfriend when he wasn’t there: it’s nice to feel appreciated and wanted by someone — even if I don’t reciprocate those feelings.

Why do we do that to ourselves? What is it about human nature that puts us in relationships that serve no purpose? I know I’m not the only person who does this. I have known a number of women who have men they keep around for sex, to do household chores, or simply to have a buddy for the movies. The guy likely thinks there’s a chance for something more, but the woman knows his chances are as good as a snowball’s in the heat of a Phoenix summer. These relationships, therefore, aren’t friendships; they’re something less than that, although I’m not sure what we should start calling them.

I believe that we have people in our lives for a purpose: to learn something about ourselves. I think that I have learned something about myself by being around these folks. What I’ve learned is that it’s nice to feel wanted and pretty, but at the end of the day, I’d rather go home alone. Best to cut the ties now before the men think there’s something more building. But the truth is that with a strong gust of wind (like discounting my time thrice), those straw buildings will blow over and disperse.

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