Collins Family News Thoughts and pictures from Amanda

I’ll admit that I’m a bit of an exhibitionist. I’ve always loved the shock value. 15 years ago, when I was a nanny and worked part time at The Disney Store, my colleagues there called me the “X-rated Mary Poppins.” My friends know my pool is clothing-optional, I’ll talk about all the taboo topics in mixed company, and I love to dress up in the least amount I can for themed parties.

The issue with that is how I look on the outside. A couple of years ago, as my marriage was ending, I thought it might be a good idea to visit a counselor myself to see what I might need to work on. I went to the appointment dressed business casual, as I am most weekdays I’m not wearing my work costume, and started to share a bit about myself. Unfortunately, my insurance carrier had matched me with possibly the most judgmental counselor on the face of the earth, who immediately said, “But you don’t look like you’re into that kind of stuff. You look so innocent.”

Needless to say, I did not return to see Mr. Stuffy Pants.

The important lesson I learned in all of this is the perception on the other side. See, the truth is I AM innocent. I have high morals and values, I’m a good mother to my son, and I don’t do anything of which I would be ashamed to tell Patrick when I go to any of these events. But, when people hear about them, often they jump to conclusions. This is especially true for men.

As a child, I moved around a lot. I went to 12 schools between kindergarten and graduation. So, long-term repercussions of my actions didn’t really occur to me. No matter, I thought, I can move. That feeling permeated my thinking for many years – until recently. I’ve been in Arizona since 2000 and in Phoenix since 2005. The friends I have now are, for the most part, the friends I made when I moved to town and/or started my business. I was protected through my marriage for a while, so regardless where I went or what pictures I deemed “necessary” to show off, people knew I was married and speculation ended there. Then I got divorced and started dating.

Seems that when men see a picture of an attractive woman in a costume that doesn’t cover much, they start to make assumptions. Of course, those assumptions benefit their way of thinking and certainly not the reputation of the young woman. A few mixed signals later, and I realized I was at the cause of those perceptions – just because of my tendency to shock and be an exhibitionist.

So now I don’t lead with, “Hey, I have two tattoos, a navel ring, and I have attended Fetish events in the past.” First, most people have a category for people who do such things, and I don’t like the company. Second, that’s not really a good summation of who I am. And, as we all know, people remember the shock value and forget most everything else.

The truth is that I am open-minded, loving, thoughtful, and have a lot of opinions that differ from the mainstream, but as Meryn Cadell’s “The Sweater” reminds us: “Different is not what you’re looking for.” At first glance, people want to meet their mirror reflections or, at the most, someone who is only slightly off the track they’re on. Someone who is perceived to be way out there is someone who will be categorized and shunned. So, although those things are certainly a part of who I am, I don’t lead with them anymore. I wait now until a base relationship has been established to spring that stuff on them. Then I seem eccentric.